Unhelpful Thinking: All-Or-Nothing

We all carry unconscious mental rules that create a ripple effect in our lives. These rules dictate how we live, see the world, interact with others, and even how we view ourselves! So, how do we know if the unconscious thinking patterns in our brains are unhelpful? Keep reading to understand "All-or-Nothing Thinking," a common mental trap that might be wreaking havoc on your mental wellbeing. For a personalized approach to understanding your unhelpful thinking patterns, connect with Wingate Counseling for a free consultation.

What are unhelpful thinking patterns?

Unhelpful thinking patterns, often described as automatic thoughts, are mental shortcuts that lead to misunderstanding and emotional distress. Think about it this way: our brains constantly try to understand the world and sometimes rely on shortcuts. On some level, mental shortcuts are helpful; if a hungry tiger is on the loose, you want your brain to think, "hunger tiger = bad = RUN!" Unfortunately, in our modern world, the hungry tiger is replaced with work colleagues, family members, or potential romantic partners. Knowing what these shortcuts are is an excellent way to avoid their pitfalls.

All-or-Nothing Unhelpful Thinking

This typical unhelpful thinking style goes by a few names. You might have heard of "black or white thinking" or "on and off thinking." As the names suggest, all-or-nothing thinking insists on viewing life in extremes, leaving no room for "gray" areas. Situations, others, or even yourself are often considered as "right" or "wrong," "good" or "bad." All-or-nothing thinking is strict and rigid, lacking compassion or the ability to "go with the flow."

Examples and Fixes to All-or-Nothing Thinking

Grief:

Situation: You experience the loss of a family member.

Unhelpful Thought: "None of my friends have experienced this kind of loss; no one understands what I'm going through!

Helpful Fix: Everyone has challenges in their life.

Depression:

Situation: A work colleague doesn't say hello to you in the hallway.

Unhelpful Thought: "No one here likes me; I'm always the odd one out!"

Helpful Fix: She probably has a lot on her mind today; we can try to catch up later.

Anxiety:

Situation: You stumble on a question in a job interview.

Unhelpful Thought: "I was so awkward with that last question; I'm sure I blew my chances!"

Helpful Fix: Having one misstep doesn't cancel out all the success in the interview.

As you can probably tell, the helpful fixes focus on looking at the bigger picture and finding compassion for yourself. It's easy to focus on "what went wrong," but often, mental shortcuts lead to emotional distress.

The Bottom Line

Spend some time taking inventory of the all-or-nothing thinking in your life. Do this simple exercise to implement your mental fixes; write down the negative thought and respond to it as if you were talking to a friend. For example, change "I'm never going to be good at this new job" to "It's normal to struggle at first; keep up the hard work!" Remember that it's normal to have mental shortcuts, but you can be empowered to change the ones that aren't working for you! If you're dealing with unhelpful thinking and want personalized support, connect with Wingate Counseling for a free consultation.