Showing Up In Grief: Interview with Brooke James

Grief Podcaster Brooke James sat down with me to discuss showing up in grief. Brooke comes to the world of grief following her father’s death two years ago to cancer. Brooke and I talk about her grief journey, supporting grievers, and how grievers might support themselves. Check out The Grief Coach Podcast for more amazing content from Brooke! And if you’re experiencing grief and need support, connect with Wingate Counseling for a consultation!

Brooke’s grief journey

In the early days following her father’s death, Brooke experienced many physical sensations of anxiety caused by grief. “I had trouble sleeping and eating. I had a rollercoaster stomach. I remember just trying to get through the day.” In addition to the anxiety, Brooke remembers a sense of panic after her father’s funeral, thinking, “What am I supposed to do now?”. As the realities of death were sinking in, Brooke needed a way to connect with her father. She took a break from work and traveled. Traveling was a big part of her father’s life. She felt a connection to her dad through visiting the cities he once lived in and spending time with others that knew him.

Space for her grief was refreshing, but Brooke had to return to her life in New York City once her trip was over. She needed to adjust to the new reality; she needed to recalibrate life without her dad. Brooke remembers this as a difficult time as the numbness and shock wore off. For Brooke, grief showed up in every area of her life, her career, dating, and friendships. Grief wasn’t something she could ignore.

Brooke needed practical and emotional guidance. She needed space for vulnerability. She needed support in navigating her new reality. Brooke searched for a model of active grieving but was disappointed and felt alone. Finally, she took matters into her own hands and started a podcast, The Grief Coach. Brooke uses this platform to support all those in the grief space with the added benefit of connecting with others as she navigates grief.

How to show up for grievers

I appreciate Brooke’s podcast because of the honest conversations about how others often mismanage grief. So, I asked Brooke for her top tips on better showing up for grievers. Brooke’s advice is practical and straightforward, do something kind. “Bring food, mail them a candle or something cozy. Comforting gifts go a long way during grief. Be a friend who shows up and does something. It’s not the job of the griever to tell you what they need.”

In addition to tangible support, Brooke remembers the need for vulnerability during grief. “I needed people to just sit with me and allow me to experience my emotions.” Experiencing a range of emotions is natural during grief. But often, grievers feel pressure to ‘be okay”. Allowing room for vulnerability and accepting someone’s pain is a powerful gift to grievers. Brooke appreciated those who asked her about her grief, shared stories about her dad, and made room for her feelings. Over two years later, Brooke still remembers those who physically and emotionally showed up!

How to show up for yourself

I’m always curious to see how people find ways to support themselves during grief. Our grief journey is so personal. There is no “right or wrong” way to grieve, but we can learn to navigate our loss by hearing from others. For Brooke, moving her body helped. She went on several long walks a day. During these walks, Brooke processed her feelings with friends and enjoyed the benefits of moving her body while getting fresh air. Whether she was with friends in person or on the phone, it was important to share her experience with others which helped her feel less alone.

Brooke encourages grievers to be honest when things are hard. She found that it allowed others to be vulnerable when she was vulnerable. This vulnerability created meaningful connections and served as some relief to the loneliness of grief. Not to say vulnerability wasn’t hard, but the payoff was worth the initial anxiety of being open. Brooke found that vulnerability was key in showing up for herself. She decided to start her podcast to help create a vulnerable space for others. For Brooke, the podcast was also a form of meaning-making. It allowed her to navigate her loss while learning from and validating other grief experiences.

How to show up right now!

No matter where you are in the grief space, you can show up right now! Try being vulnerable, making a point to connect with others, or finding a way to support yourself practically or a griever you know. Brooke encourages both grievers and supporters not to worry so much about getting everything right on the first try. Just try one of the suggestions that seem genuine to you. Check out The Grief Coach Podcast or my blog for more stories and information about grief. If you are looking for a personal space to process and experience your grief, connect with me at Wingate Counseling.