Honoring Grief During The Holidays

It’s official; the holiday season is here! For some people, mainly children, holidays are the year’s highlight. For many adults, the holidays mean added busyness and stress. And, for those who are grieving, the holidays might totally suck!

When you’re grieving, sometimes all you can do is get through the day. Then here comes holiday mania, ready to zap you of the energy left! You know your loved one who died would want you to enjoy this time of year, but all you feel is a sense of holiday dread. Maybe you imagine telling your friends that you are skipping the holidays this year only to hear them say, “Your mom wouldn’t want you to spend Christmas alone!” Or, “I’m sure you will feel better if you just come to the party!” While well-intentioned, it’s hard to face the holidays while carrying grief. Whether it is the first or twelfth “holiday without,” Wingate Counseling can help you make space for your grief experience.

No matter what you’re feeling this holiday season, surviving holiday grief takes a little forethought. Here are some ideas to consider if you’re worried this year might be challenging.

Find activities that honor your loved one

Before you go into holiday overdrive, take some time to consider what, if anything, you want to do this year to remember your loved one. Maybe there’s a family tradition your grandfather used to love that you can incorporate this year. Or bring back some recipes your aunt made during the holidays before she died. Engaging in traditions is an excellent way to talk about your loved one to younger or new family members. You keep their spirit alive through sharing stories.

Holiday activities don’t have to be traditional to honor your loved one. If the grief is fresh and this is your first “holiday without,” consider mixing it up. Did your late husband always hate dressing fancy for holiday dinners? Honor him by having a family P.J. party in the living room this year! After all, you know the holidays might be tricky this year, so why bother with a tradition if it feels stressful? No matter what you decide, the intentional connection to your loved one is what matters most!

Make time for sadness

Your grief is going to need some attention this holiday season. Instead of avoiding your sadness, why not anticipate heavy emotions? This may seem counterintuitive, but consider inviting in your more complex feelings and sitting with them. You can do this by journaling, looking at pictures, or sharing your thoughts with others - anything that helps you get in touch with your grief!

Purposefully facing pain might feel scary, but the feelings are already there. It’s better to acknowledge them on your terms and try to relieve some emotional pressure. I’m not saying your grief won’t show up unexpectedly, but if you are ambushed, the intensity could be less if you are proactive in your grief.

Permit yourself to opt-out

Grief drains us of energy. I’m sure you are already familiar with the exhausting nature of grief! When grieving, our mind and body are doing so much work to process change—leaving us operating at a lower capacity. Since energy is limited, be realistic about your holiday commitments.

Determine what holiday activities you want to participate in and say “no” to all the rest. It might help to explain to friends and family that you can’t do as much this year. When people understand where you are coming from, it makes it easier to accept your boundaries.

If you decide there is an activity you can attend, consider communicating with friends and family about your energy levels anyway. Open communication helps set the expectation that you might not participate as you did in the past. As you know, grief sometimes surprises us! We might make plans to find ourselves flooded with grief, unable to get out of bed. Proactive communication won’t leave others surprised or upset if you need to cancel or leave early.

If you’d like more support in navigating grief this holiday season, connect with me for a free consultation. No matter where you are in your grief journey, I hope you find peace, love, and joy this holiday season!