Grief Is Bittersweet: Lora’s Story Of Her Son Going To College

I had the honor of speaking with my friend Lora about her experience of her oldest son, Josh, graduating high school and moving to college. I loved her vulnerability and perspective on this bittersweet grief.

During our talk, Lora remembered the year her son became a high school senior. It had been her job for the last eighteen years to raise this child, and suddenly college was less than a year away! Lora felt this anticipation of grief when she found herself thinking things will never be the same again. “It was a bittersweet time,” Lora reflected. “He was ready for the next adventure, and I was savoring our last moments as a family before Josh moved out of the house.”

On reflection, this was not the first time Lora was experiencing these feelings of anticipatory grief. These bittersweet moments were her companion throughout motherhood. As she beautifully said during our chat together, “Every stage means letting go.” Her role as a mom was constantly changing; her kids always needed her in different ways. It seemed that her grief muscle had put in some work, but it was about to be tested—big time!

Before she knew it, the last homecoming was over, spring meant graduation, and finally, Josh moved to college. Lora had to trust that she had done her job as a parent, and she learned how to support and love from afar. She delivered care packages to college, sent encouraging texts, and attended all of Josh’s track meets. We both laughed as Lora reflected that, “Sometimes he would text about meeting him for dinner. I would drop everything just to be there.”

I had to ask how she had done this constant dance with grief? What was her mindset? Who supported Lora? A strong relationship with her husband, focusing on what she could do as a mom, and confiding in friends in similar situations helped Lora balance the moments of bittersweet grief. Ironically, giving her grief some space allowed her the capacity to experience the pure joy and excitement of the new chapter.

I couldn’t help but admire Lora and this gift she has given her children. We smiled together as she shared a quote, “Parents are like furniture. You don’t know how much you need them until they are gone.” Just like a cozy and safe sofa, I know Lora will be there for any of her children when life hits them around and they need a place to flop and rest a while.